ELI

You don’t have to look like Tyra, or try to be the next top model. You don’t need a body like Rihanna, curves like Nicki, booty like Beyonce, You’re special how you are. You don’t have to cover your face in Cover girl number eight. You don’t need to prove anything to the girls that show hate. Truth is those girls that show hate only do so because they ain’t; You. You don’t have to. You don’t have to. Come out of pocket too often, Baby I got you. You don’t have to, Purchase things that falsify the body’s’ image, You don’t need to buy things that enhance your body’s’ image. You possess the rarest beauty one man has ever witnessed. What they don’t see in the pictures is Unique to you. And through my eyes, girl, you’re most beautiful…

Me and the big homie don’t even talk no more. I call and text his phone, he don’t pick up no more. Now, I know a lot has changed and we’re all grown up, But, who would’ve thought I’d see the day we’d be so split up? I can feel the distance… And I can feel the tension. Passive aggression when we do meet, We should be chilling more often. Like back in the old days, before we got paid, He would’ve carried me to my coffin. If that was needed. But now, in struggling times we’ve both grown jaded. Cold world. Man, I really hate it. Both let money crash the shore of our friendship, Now I watch the waves break that away... I be buggin’. I still got love for him, of course, that’s my brother. Deep down, I pray maybe one day we’ll reunite with each other. And come together, recognizing that the money is the devil. Sad it got involved, Funny how it makes your close friends seem so far. Away.

I hope that, Good friends we remain. I don't wanna see you go through any pain, That I can't help with. I'm tryna be less selfish, And be more selfless. You know my heart. You knew me since fifth grade, where do I start? All the accolades can't even compare, To How it feels just having you here. And not to diss any of my newest friends, but your my closest one, my oldest one, if anybody got a problem, I gotta show em one. And that's cool. Cause I know you'd do the same thing.  you taught me "be a man, don't let these people weaken you." And if I had a problem you would come often, on weekends too. You taught me it was beauty behind the madness before the weeknd knew. And for that, baby, know I'm always indebted, I gave you the debit but never the credit that you deserve. Best friend, I wanna  tell the whole world just who you are... But they gon know soon, it ain't a moment til you make it. That's what friendships ar...

[i never let stuff from personal journals go. but, i wanted to share this.a short rant-style poem from me to God.... no title, despite the pictures' saying...] Lord, We need you now more than ever. I need you now... Too many people are dying, too many have died. And I know that was the best thing for them, to go with you but still many of those people lord - they were young, they were my friends, it was too early for them to leave us.  People are shooting. They shoot at any and everything and everyone. Cops are killing cops are killing blacks and whites and everybody. We don't even know who Heros are anymore. We can't recognize who's here to help for real or who's just another target spotter looking to knock a couple heads off. We need you.  Lord, I need you. Although I haven't prayed as of late (I don't know what excuse to tell you for that, there is none) I need you. I need you to come live inside of my heart. You're the only one th...

Got some things I gotta tell you...  You remind me of an angel, girl you're hell proof. I just peep all that you've been through; you the strongest woman ever - next to my mother - girl I'm glad I found you.... Lately i ain't really get no time - to write, but you was always all up on my mind - all night. Taking up space, girl you had me occupied, and I love it, I'm just praying I can be your next guy - if you wanna... We can lay up, we can watch Netflix and just cuddle. I done formulated plans, felt like I was in a huddle; Im just tryna put a ring on it fast like a shuttle. Your old boyfriend - bad news, he really need a muzzle - all he ever wanna do is beef with me and all my others. You should tell him back up off us, baby.  I ain't with the violence.  I came a grown man since I left the hood for college. New set of rules, change for the better, now all I need is you - now & forever. For the better .... ••••••• What you bored of? ...

Are you still around? Hello, Hello.  Cause I haven't heard from you in so long. We were gonna be perfect, I could feel it. It was worth it. I prayed about it. But you played about it. I forgave you. Are you still around? Hello... Hello.  You never answer your phone. Is this the same number? Or did you get it changed? You promised me you'd never stray; Away, No. So, Are you still around? Or did you up and leave me? Do you watch the TV? Cops out here acting like black people don't matter. And I just need someone to talk to. Because I'm scared to go out in my own city. These boys, these boys; They don't care who you are. They don't fist fight no more, if you don't agree with em, then that problem there is solved one way; One way. It's like I'm going down a one way street - to some place, I just don't get it. They could be coming for me next. That's why I go...

It's hard to write a poem, When there's nothing going on. It's hard to think of what to say, When you feel you've said all that you can say.  As a poet i never scratch the surface, I go deep within myself, wear my heart upon my sleeve, and my brain's upon a shelf.  I write from my heart, until it's all bled out.  Then i retreat to my bed, and silently lay out.  Ink now is the my blood, I feel lifeless without my pen.  Poetry is my safe haven , it protects me from the outside.  But when I'm in this state of mind,  What can protect me from the inside? 

A hard egg to crack. A tough case to solve. You and your broken heart.  Though i was not involved, You make it seem like I was; You put all this pressure on me to come fix it. That ain't my business, that is not in my job description. I am the new boyfriend, cause the old was trippin'. So why you keep on thinking bout him?... Why you keep on wrapping your mind, and wasting your time, when he could care less - he's just like these other guys. Your words. I wanna take you out and get to doing something special.  Just know I won't forsake you, just know I won't neglect you.   Just know you'd be everything to me like fuel for a car.  Girl my heart is burning, you the fuel to fire.  But here I go, writing to a heart that I ain't break.  I hope you reading this, I hope it's not too late.  I hope you know yourself, and spending your energy on being productive; And not thinking bout your ex-man.  Now and for...

Out my way. I ain't going out my way... Out my way. I ain't going out my way... For you again. You played me and it's messed up. I thought that we had something. Nothing special, told me it was nothing special. But you was all wanting me, That was before I met you... And I went out of my way, Just to try and accept. To try to hear you out... Now I don't wanna hear your mouth. Cause it's all the same ol things... "I'm sorry, please forgive me" The same old sayings. "I'm sorry, is you still with me?"... Actually, I mean the answer's "no". And I hate calling girls ho's, But; You give me every reason to do just that. And you make me gag. Hell nah I don't want you back. You was with me but you loving him, that’s unreasonable. I gave you everything, I thought we was everything, but you played me like a throwback R...

A couple of my poems ain't make it I was going through. A couple of my poems ain't make it; They was all for you. But this one is special and I hope you read it. Finally realized that you're everything that I needed... Finally realizing what I had. Realizing what I'm missing. I see your new guy on snap, Ya’ll was kissing. And that really did something to me. It made me miss you. I ruined every chance that you gave me, I was tripping. Even my homies, they tell me the same thing. Plus my momma never met ya, only seen the pictures. She said "what happened to the girl? Why you ain't with her?" I killed my chances. And though I'm very remorseful. I know I may never get her back, It's just something that I gotta learn to accept.

"Dial Up." Girl ain't no way. Ima pass up on a moment like this. You look too good   tonight . Ima pull up, Ima give you what you miss. Ima give you what your boyfriend wouldn't. Ima treat how your boyfriend couldn't. Your complexion's amazing. Cocoa mocha brown skin; Girl I’m trying to taste ya. And you know I'm serious. You know I mean what I say. You know you know you want to. Don't leave, just stay. Ima pull up on you. I'm on my way. You make it so hard for me, To do things the Christian way. What's a wait? Why are we waiting? No debating, This temptation I cannot face it. You get naked... All summer long me and you been trading hearts up on Instagram. So we might as well make this official and quit playing - the games. Like we in high school baby but this ain't math class. This the type of love that make you wanna tell your friends and make them mad. But of course, the...

She made it so hard for me to love again.  Cause she played me good, and she cut me deep.  Saying She was gonna make it better.  Her words were clever,  I fell hard.  Silly me.  Silly me for believing she was completely different.  Silly me for believing she had it all together. And that she was perfect, and she was made for me.  Yeah, silly me.  She made me be; Standoffish, selfish - with my heart, I can't help it.  Who can I trust?  When people round you all want your name covered in dust, And will do anything in their power just to cover you up.  And it's a shame cause I thought we was real cool,  The same knuckleheads that used to kick it back in middle school... But I ain't tripping,  It's just another heart gone missing. 

Everyone wants to say something. But when you around they never say anything. You start to realize the lies told every day, the true placement of their hearts ain't pointed your way. They could care less. The actions so fake you just want to take your fist and raise it and forget all sense of peace you was raised with. But that never occurs, yet their lies all blend and blur like an old man’s eyes or a young man when he's high. You just, sit and observe. You stay fit and you yearn for their acceptance and to finally mean something. You want the act to end; it's like a very bad movie. You watch them laugh WITH you in your face, then laugh AT you when you leave. And you don't know, at what point they switched. All you know - they're on some childishness. The rumors spread like germs. Everyone is slimy like worms, slithering snakes. Thoughts wondering "how'd it get to this?" How did they get so fake? the f...

I really dropped the ball with this one. There's no turning it around from this point... I see the guy all on your Facebook. And then I see how glad your face looks. I'm just happy that he makes you happy. While I'm upset I got my place took. I should've listened to the man, Drake. When it's good you can't demand great. All them text messages I sent to you. But if you're reading it’s too damn, late! I ain't want another one. I thought I was gonna have you. But I had another one. And you found out that I had two... And that's the worse and I'm sorry baby. That's the worse, I know I shouldn't have. That's worse I hope you can forgive me. I'm the worse boyfriend you ever had. It goes without saying it. Now I can't say that I'm nothing like these other guys. Cause i played you like a violin. I strung you along like your shoes untied.... (To be continued...

  I think maybe I was lost in the concept of what I thought love was. And so maybe you figured I wasn't ready. Touché cause at the time I really wasn't. And that was heavy. You wasn't a burden, it was just the act of loving. Back then I've never loved before. Outside of family doors. You was the first girl that ever took me serious, And so maybe i was a little delirious & nervous. Dazed & confused. Every thought and every poem I've written from Last summer to now have been about you... And you're so far but I’d go the distance. Even my momma asks about you and why you went missing. I just tell her our connection was genuine, just had a couple differences. But how I'd love to have you back, & be stingy with your heart, and on that - extra emphasis. STINGY. WITH YOUR, HEART.