BETTERMAN.

I just have to ask: "what were you thinking the day I was conceived?"
Did you at all think, of all the things that I would need?
Did you wonder, if only a little, if you were good enough for sure?
If you had the courage to stay, & the strength to endure?
How did it feel exactly, when you walked out that door?
Left me and mommy all alone.
You left a child that was yours.

All of my memories are of mom,
Going to work every day.
Some nights she stayed late, for the bills she had to pay.
She never let me see her struggle,
A strong woman she was,
Sometimes fed herself last just so I would not starve.

I would lie in my bed at night and wonder, how it felt to know my dad.
And how you lived with yourself after leaving me; were you ecstatic, were you sad?
You probably wonder if I have the strength to forgive, to answer that -
 I already have.

So many milestones have come & gone.
Your time was more than needed.
I remember sometimes you'd be in town, yet somehow you'd never see me.
I know you'd watched me grow through the photos I took,
seen my face on facebook.
The class pictures in school,
the only way you knew how my growing face looked.
My mother called me little man although it should've been you,
i wonder, how that made you feel.

I used to think you walked on water,
Maybe something mom did chased you away.
I used to pray every night, ask God to please let you stay.
But it never happened,
You were long gone and it broke my heart & trust.
It took me years to realize you did not belong on the pedestal I put up.

I have molded myself into a man of purpose, with God heading my life.
I have grown into a man of substance without you in my life.
I do not hate or dislike you, please Don't misunderstand.
I just molded myself on all your opposites,
To make myself a better man...